Why I'm against mixed-race marriage -- seriously.

Opinion: The Problem with Mixed-Race Marriage

Folks, I ain’t one for change. Change usually means some fancy new coffee shop where the barista has purple hair and asks my pronouns, or worse, my neighbor’s kid bringing home a spouse who don’t "look like us." And you know what? I’m just gonna say it: mixed-race marriage is ruinin’ America. Not because I’m racist, of course. I’d never say that. I just believe in good, old-fashioned, separate but equal—just without sayin’ it like that.

See, back in my day, people stuck to their own. Whites married whites, blacks married blacks, and everyone knew where they belonged. And you know what we had? Order. Tradition. A time when folks didn’t have to Google what their grandkids’ race technically is. But nowadays, it’s all mixed up! You got kids with last names that don’t match their faces, families that look like they got cast from a United Nations commercial, and worst of all, my Aunt Linda keeps askin’ me if I’m ever gonna "evolve." Well, I tell you what, Linda: evolution is what got us into this mess in the first place!

I mean, think about it: culture is important, right? We gotta preserve it. And how can we do that when everybody’s just tossin’ their history into a big ol’ blender and hitting purée? Used to be, you knew what you were. Now, you ask a kid, "Where’s your family from?" and they gotta take a 23andMe test just to answer. It’s confusion, plain and simple!

And don’t even get me started on politics. Back in the day, you could tell how someone was gonna vote just by lookin’ at ‘em. Nowadays? Who knows! Mixed folks go around pickin’ and choosin’ their identity like it’s a buffet. It’s unsettling, I tell ya.

Now, before y’all cancel me, let me be clear: I ain’t against love. I just think love oughta respect the natural order. And that order? Well, it looks a whole lot like 1950s America. Call me old-fashioned. Call me traditional. Just don’t call me to babysit your mixed grandkids—‘cause I won’t know what to do with ‘em.

Billy is a proud Texan who longs for simpler times, which, funnily enough, never really existed the way he remembers.