Let's deport low IQ Americans-- hear me out.

Opinion: It’s Time to Deport Low-IQ Americans—For Their Own Good

Every great civilization reaches a crossroads where it must decide: Do we continue dragging the anchor of mediocrity, or do we finally set sail toward the promised land of intellectual enlightenment? America, my dear, dear land of opportunity, has been shackled for too long by those who refuse to read above a third-grade level. It’s time we consider the unthinkable: deporting low-IQ Americans—for their own good, of course.

Now, before you clutch your pearls, understand that this isn’t about cruelty. This is about compassion. The cognitively challenged deserve a nation better suited to their needs, where the tyranny of literacy and numeracy doesn’t oppress them. Perhaps a vast, rolling pasture where they can frolic freely, unburdened by the horrors of logic. Maybe somewhere warm. Maybe somewhere with, say, excellent beaches and a lax attitude toward government accountability.

Imagine an America without the weight of the willfully uninformed. Elections would be decided by those who can locate Ukraine on a map. Scientific innovation would no longer be stifled by people who believe that vaccines are a plot by Bill Gates to install 5G in their bloodstreams. Traffic laws could be written under the assumption that drivers understand what yield signs mean.

Of course, some critics will say, "Bella, you monster! Where will they go?" And to that, I say: fret not! The world is vast, and there are surely places willing to welcome our most... free-thinking citizens. Perhaps we can negotiate a special arrangement with a country that prides itself on rugged individualism and an aversion to critical thinking. (Florida, I see you.)

And let’s be clear: this proposal isn’t about class, nor is it about political ideology. It’s about the right of every American to live in a society free from the burden of those who sincerely believe that the moon landing was faked but WWE is real. We can finally rise to our full potential as a nation of thinkers, innovators, and—dare I say—readers.

Now, if you find yourself angered by this article, I urge you to take a deep breath and consider: maybe it’s not about you. But if it is about you, well—bon voyage.

Bella is a self-described intellectual refugee trapped in a society that doesn’t deserve her genius.